Facebook rape. If you haven’t already heard the term let me enlighten you: according to www.urbandictionary.com, Facebook rape is “the access of a Facebook account by a third party, unknown to the account’s owner, which alters and adds humiliating or otherwise derogatory words to the account’s profile for the purpose of a prank”. This new craze is sweeping through New College leaving a nasty wake of destruction, tears, tantrums and many a man seeking other men for “whatever I can get”. I bring this up as a very roundabout way of introducing my real topic of conversation- next year’s Freshers. As Stephen Goodman did for us, George Simon has created a Facebook group for next year’s New College Freshers. I was recently the victim of a raping, but instead of my only interest becoming ‘dildoing menholes’, Matt Ranger decided it was time to investigate those who will be joining us next year. His discoveries? Deeply disturbing.

Predictably, the topic of conversation has turned to what people are studying next year with George Simon starting a topic on the group discussion board. One slight problem… out of the 30 odd people in the group, not one replied. Determined to get things going Matt Ranger claimed to be a fellow future Fresher hoping to be studying oriental philosophy (which poor George seemed to believe) but even this bold statement had no effect on our apparently cautious applicants.
Next we move on to investigate the wall, the epicenter of any group. Here we discover Alex Powell. I’m not meant to mention any names here but anyone can log in and read his comments (and I urge you to do so) so I have no reservations. His aim was clearly to irritate from the start with his first post: “Oh yes, I am doing chemical engineering, it should be a real hoot if you ask me!

I cannot wait for next year, Oxford will be so much fun, the people are amazing and are all so fun to be around. I can just imagine the once-a-month nights out now, a couple of bitter shandys here and there and maybe even a babycham on special occasions!”

Did he stop there? Of course not. Rather than annoying all around him he decided to get tough and carve out his mean boy persona. In response to Ardy, who innocently wrote “I’m in for computer science! What kind of initiation do we have? ;)”, Alex scoffed, “Erm excuse me Ardy, if that is even your real name, what is involved when it comes to Computer Sciences?” I’m not quite sure what called for such aggression but I do know one thing; if you’re looking for a new face around college to love to hate in Freshers week, his may just be it.

If anyone has any ideas for the Computer Science initiation, I’m sure Ardy, a fan of Russian tiddlywinks, would love to hear them. Finally, engineers may like to join the group so they can get to know Gareth, who will soon “be reppin’ the engineering” with you all. Oh, and don’t make fun of Jennifer’s surname.