If you go down to the Bar today, you’re in for a big surprise. It’s fucking empty. Barman Dave has been bored out of his mind on certain evenings this term. This is our plea to you: don’t treat our beloved Bar like a Brookes girl, using it once every two weeks for the one night stand that is the Bop. Get to know it better, and we guarantee it will be the catalyst of a long and happy relationship.

For one of the best college Bars in the whole University, it is disappointing to see sporadic attendance at this most noble of watering holes. By the way, those who come in solely to partake in a game of pool without as much as a glance towards our superb array of beverages do not count as regulars. Those foolhardy enough to venture outside to other establishments are met with extortionate prices, poor service and milk-livered miscreants from lesser colleges.

Why would anyone go to the K.A. when you can mingle with New College’s finest, revel in the witty banter that only the Bar can produce and find the cheapest prices around right here? When it’s busy, there’s an unbeatable atmosphere, and it’s a great chance to socialise with people in other years.

Those who choose to pre-lash in their room miss out. Whether going out or merely ‘chillaxing’, we implore you to join us and make the Bar what it once was: a thriving centre of chat, relaxation and free-flowing booze. To tickle your pickle, we have planned a few events and improvements in the next couple of weeks, which we’ll announce soon.

To paraphrase the legendary pisshead Karl Marx, ‘Workers of New College unite; you have nothing to lose but your sobriety!’

Bar Personality of the Week - Jack Sobey

This week Alex Jones and Tom Slocombe managed to pin down a true New College great for an informal chat over his favourite tipple and a packet of Dry Roasted Nobby’s, to find out what makes this enigmatic man tick.

So, Jack, what is it that makes the bar so special in your eyes?
Great amount of variety!

But you only drink Magners… anyway, how would you describe your relationship with Barman Dave?
[Giggles, long pause] Anal! I mean, amicable. Don’t get any funny ideas, OK?!

Sure. Sobey, you’re well known for your style. Any fashion tips for the coming Winter?
Shorts, shorts, and more shorts!

As a self-confessed ladies man, have any Freshers taken your fancy?
As you know I don’t kiss and tell. But I do have my eye on a couple of hotties. Don’t hate the player, hate the game [winks cheekily].

Finally, where next for Jack Sobey?
The Bar, of course.