I was smitten. Having already heard of Will Spray’s reputation, I paid Robin “Pimp Daddy” Moss and Ade “Playboy Mansion” Gray a tasty sum to allow me half an hour alone, in my hastily satin-swathed, incense-scented boudoir, with this brilliant, dashing, virile man. I love a good thesp and Spray more than fits the bill. I had been stalking him for some time – a lamentably unchallenging activity, given that his open Facebook profile contains ample information, including his mobile number – but had yet to secure a tête-à-tête. I thank The Newt for making my deepest desire reality. [Eds.: Our pleasure.]
In order to get a more accurate picture of Spray’s role as the eponymous anti-hero in Patrick Marber’s Don Juan in Soho, I lay down beside him on my rotating bed and gazed at him in the mirrored ceiling, lovingly running my fingers through his long locks. Disappointingly, he confessed straightaway that his nature differs from that of his onstage persona. There was to be no hanky-panky. I switched off the bed and tried to be professional.

The talented Mr Spray is starring in three plays in three weeks; no mean feat, given the considerable time commitment of rehearsing and performing just one play at Oxford. This accomplishment is rarely achieved by even the most fanatical of actors here. Spray appeared as Hamm in Beckett’s Endgame in 4th Week and as DJ in 5th Week. This week he plays Tybalt in Romeo and Juliet at the Keble O’Reilly Theatre. I urge you to see this promenade production, if only for the golden-haired Adonis’ fight scene, which sounds delightfully physical. However, I do not know if I can bear to witness the death of my beloved, for I fear that his acting will be upsettingly convincing. This is the price one pays for falling in love with a tragic actor.

Since arriving at New, this twenty-one year old, Second Year, English student has felt happiest with his performance as Guildenstern in Stoppard’s Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead. He also believes that out of all of the characters he has played, he is most similar to this one, maintaining that he too is generally “stressed and falling to pieces”. This term, Spray has mastered three incredibly different roles: a wheelchair-bound, blind man; a thoroughly modern lothario; and an irascible, Shakespearian gentleman. He admits that the first of these roles could not be called “enjoyable”, since the physicality required caused him severe discomfort, but that the second was a real “blast”. His versatility and dedication are impressive.

Equally impressive is Spray’s athletic, 6’3” frame, not to mention his knowledge of literature, cinema and music. He spends his summers playing polo and his winters skiing. He also enjoys cooking and, on top of it all, is incredibly likeable and modest. After listing countless weaknesses, including procrastination, anti-sociability and moodiness, he was unable to identify any of his strengths. To my (crazed) mind, his only flaw is this: he seems to be “in a relationship”. Nevertheless, he is looking for “whatever [he] can get”. HALLELUJAH! He can definitely “get” (nudge, nudge, wink, wink) me. I only hope that I have not been too subtle about my feelings. Now I intend to write him a sonnet, in my blood, enumerating the ways in which he is divine. How do I love thee, William Henry Peter Spray? Let me count the ways…

Romeo and Juliet is on this week at the Keble O’Reilly Theatre. Tickets can be booked at www.oxfordplayhouse.com