Post-bop celebrations in the JCR came to an abrupt end last weekend when the combined forces of darkness: Dave Williams, Junior Dean, and Joe, Night Porter with PMS, aggressively ousted the be-costumed, tipsy but harmless gathering of students. FHA Steve felt unable to express his outrage to Dean Jr. at the time whilst sporting mascara and lipstick, not to mention bosoms.

Kudos to the Welfare team for the successful arrival of the post room’s new Condom Machine. No more 2p’s: students need only a twist of the knob to deliver gratification.

From the Dean: the Case of the missing silverware that has clogged your inbox has finally been resolved - the vanished candle snuffer was left with the Porters earlier this week. The culprit remains unknown.

Featured in Country Life this week, the sight of Fresher Michaela Rhodes and her two canine pets was sure to cause palpitations in middle-English Tories up and (mostly) down the country.

Ian Clark proved to have a severe deficiency in his grasp of geography as well as memory when sampling the Oxford Brooke’s ‘Pleasuredome’ experience. Will Haig must remember to put on socks for any forthcoming 2am manhunts.

Thursday saw the arrival of an invisible Christmas tree at the lodge (stand included). After closer scrutiny, it turned out the twelve-foot tree had been lost in the post. Some suspected this was due to the delivery man asking Alan Ryan for directions (and having to wait for them).

Toby Vacher turned twenty-one with fanfares and dedications, including a rap from the mighty Ye Chen (keep an eye out online for the video) and a lovingly homemade video based on Toby, from Anika (commissioned by Toby).

The race for Guest Night tickets for 8th Week came to a record-speed end on Friday midnight, with 140 spaces booked out within the space of 1 minute 47 seconds.

Slocombe and Parfitt, our local Mary and Joseph, sought sanctuary one night for a restful sleep. Their makeshift stable was New College Hall. Their manger: a paddling pool. A truly heart-warming story for this festive season.